Frustration.

So today I wanted to really focus on God and what He might want to show me or tell me. When I say that it sounds almost like I don't want that any other time. Not the case. There are certain days that you spend extra time in prayer, fasting, ect. When I woke up this morning I had an overwhelming sense of frustration and anger. I don't know where it came from. Well....I guess I do. It became kind of this downward spiral. I was frustrated, then I was angry that I was frustrated, then that just frustrated me more. You get the picture. I think I just realized it. I've been spending more time telling God what's going on with me than listening to what He's trying to say to me. I haven't been spending much time in God's word. I'm ashamed of that. I guess since the times I'm in group studies it is so intense that I'm less likely to study. I'm not sure. I have a lot of excuses, but no good reasons. I just so desire to have a deeply intentional relationship with God and I fail miserably. As I've been learning of the depravity of man, it makes sense why I choose to stray towards my selfish ways. As a Christian, however, I should be clinging to my Savior so tightly. I guess its good to be aware of my helpless state. I just need prayer to look toward a Holy God and be less focused on my situational frustrations. If I'm consumed with my Savior and His people, how could I remain in such a frustrated state. Stumbling, but reaching.