Control

So I feel like people might think I'm this depressed person, but it is not the case. I just tend to write about things that weigh heavy on my heart.

I found myself today in a controlling state, however I did not realize this at the time. I woke up without even thinking about how great my God is to me. In church yesterday the pastor talked some about how we should just be floored by the grace of God, worshipping Him for the mercy He has shown on our lives. Of course Monday morning then arrived distracting me from this incredible news. I chose to take time for myself this morning ( which in this case meant watching tv, grumbling about the things that I need to do, and missing things that I needed to be at ). After much of this juvenille thinking I then continued to go buy something that I needed for school for a deadline that is today which I had known I needed since the beginning of the semester. When I finally decided which credit card to put it on due to the expiration of the card I had planned to purchase it with (It was not a small purchase) I went on my way. I had to then go back home because I left a project at home that I needed today. So after cursing the construction of the roads for 15 minutes or so I made it home. When all was said and done I arrived at school 2 hours later than I was supposed to be there. When I finally allowed myself time to reflect about my foolish nature I felt ashamed and somewhat embarrased for myself. I had temporarily taken control. I took control of the choice to be late for commitments, procrastinating important assignments, and taking control over a bad attitude. This has left me in a sad state of overwhelming selfishness leaving me with a feeling of the weight of the world on my shoulders. I pray that this stops now. God give me the strength to relinquish control.